Cryptogram Science Genius Jokes:

You Might Be a Science Nerd If...

A science joke was encrypted using a letter for letter substitution code.
Each letter was changed to a different letter. Use your knowledge of science, sentence structure, spelling patterns and a sense of humor to decode the joke.

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A photon checks into a hotel. The bellhop asks if he needs help with his bags. He replies, "No thanks, I'm traveling light." A cop pulls Heisenberg over and asks, "Do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg replies, "No, but I know where I am." A cop pulls Heisenberg over and asks, "Do you know you were going 108 miles per hour?" Heisenberg cries, "Great! Now we're lost." The Higgs Boson walks into a church. The priest says, "Get out!" The Higgs Boson replies, "But without me you can't have mass." Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar. And doesn't. Why didn't the quantum particle cross the road? He was already on both sides. Two chemists walk into a bar. The first says, "I'll have some H2O." The second says, I'll have some H2O too." The second one dies. What do you call an educated tube? A graduated cylinder. What do you call a drosophila that likes to drink? A bar fly. A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a drink?" He replies, "For you, no charge." The bartender says, "We don't serve faster-than-light particles here." A tachyon walks into a bar. Where does bad light end up? In prism. What does a subatomic duck say? Quark, quark! What is a physicist's favorite food? Fission chips. What did the stimulus do to the neuron after they got married? Carried it over the threshold. Why is the pH of YouTube very stable? Because it constantly buffers. What do you call a tooth in a glass of water? A one molar solution. Why does a burger have less energy than a steak? Because a burger is in its ground state. Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve noble gases here." He doesn't react. Sixteen sodium atoms walk into a bar... followed by Batman. Want to hear a joke about sodium? Na When I heard that oxygen and magnesium hooked up I was like OMg. Want to hear a joke about nitric oxide? NO Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium? It was OK. Why do chemists learn about ammonia first? It's pretty basic stuff. I blew up my chemistry experiment. That's OK, oxidants happen. What was the charge when NaCl was arrested? A salt. Do you know another chemistry joke? No, all the good ones argon. A student recognizes Einstein on a train and asks, "Excuse me, sir, does Boston stop at this train?" Einstein developed a theory about space. And it was about time too. Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He's OK now. How can you tell a chemist from a plumber? Ask them to pronounce "unionized". What did one uranium-238 nucleus say to the other? Let's split! Have you heard the one about the sick chemist? If you can't helium and you can't curium, you'll have to barium. An ion meets an atom and says he's lost an electron. "Are you sure?" asks the atom. "I'm positive," replies the ion. What did the proton say to the electron? "Why do you have to be so negative all the time?" What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms instead of carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel. An optimist sees the glass half full. A pessimist sees it half empty. A chemist sees it full, half with liquid and half with air. As chemists say, if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate. If H2O is water, what is H2O4? Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc. What's a black hole? It's what you get in a black sock. What's an astronomical unit? It's one really, really big apartment. What did the neutrino say to the earth? Just passing through. How can you tell a dog from a marine biologist? One wags a tail and the other tags a whale. It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats. What did the biologist couple name their twins? One was Jessica and the other was Control. What do you call a place of worship made out of amino acids? The cysteine chapel. What kind of notebook does a dendrochronologist use to record results? A tree ring binder.