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Speed Bump by Dave Coverly

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12d20; The end of my patience is near!; Bliss by Harry Bliss 12d21; It's no use Glenn... We're trapped like - well... like ourselves, I guess.; The Argyle Sweater by Scott Hilburn 12d22; Why do you always get to be the car?; Half Full by Maria Scrivan 12d23; I don't believe it! Someone's trying to commercialize this!; Inherit the Mirth by Cuyler Black 12d24; Hey, it's the night before Christmas. Nobody should be doing that. Not even you.; Loose Parts by Dave Blazek 12d25; Ian has second thoughts about giving his true love the three French hens.; Off the Mark by Mark Parisi 12d26; Actually, in your particular case, having a deathly fear of spiders is perfectly normal.; Rubes by Leigh Rubin 12d27; It is with mixed emotions that I accept my 9th lifetime achievement award.; Speed Bump by Dave Coverly 12d28; I say we bring in that big Oriental rug next.; Close to Home by John McPherson 12d29; I'm just not too sure about Jim's new jogging buddy.; Break of Day by Nate Fakes 12d30; From now on, if the ball goes anywhere near that thing, it's a ground-rule double.; In the Bleachers by Steve Moore 12d31; When you said "island," I imagined something different.; Half Full by Maria Scrivan 1d1; In general, I don't believe in child labor. But sometimes they're the only ones who can figure out what's wrong with my computer.; Bizarro by Dan Piraro 1d2; I thought I'd put in a little vegetable garden.; Herman by Jim Unger 1d3; I'm gonna need backup at 2311 Teakwood Ave. Send every rock you can find. And bring some tape! Hurry!; The Argyle Sweater by Scott Hilburn 1d4; I'm sorry, Frank. Come To Work as a Protozoa Day was moved to Thursday.; Loose Parts by Dave Blazek 1d5; He used to be fun, spontaneous - even wild. Now he's just a boar.; Rubes by Leigh Rubin 1d6; Sister Margaret, we don't do pink.; Inherit the Mirth by Cuyler Black 1d7; It looks like they are also going to alter how you guys communicate. There is a Bow-Wow app coming out.; Compu-toon by Charles Boyce 1d8; I've never seen a single penny in royalties.; Strange Brew by John Deering 1d9; You thought you'd move back home?; Off the Mark by Mark Parisi 1d10; You only do text. I do text AND voicemail.; Speed Bump by Dave Coverly 1d11; When we ran the numbers on the cost of an electric paper shredder, getting a goat turned out to be way cheaper.; Close to Home by John McPherson 1d12; And finally, concerning being an organ donor, well... you really don't have a choice.; Break of Day by Nate Fakes 1d13; Why not? All the other kids' parents are getting divorced!; Bliss by Harry Bliss 1d14; What were you thinking, Louie? We can run faster than humans, but only for short distances.; In the Bleachers by Steve Moore 1d15; I wish someone would just throw me a bone.; Half Full by Maria Scrivan 1d16; Arrows don't worry me as much as big sticks.; Bizarro by Dan Piraro 1d17; Did those french fries taste like they'd been cooked in furniture polish?; Herman by Jim Unger 1d18; Is this where they're conducting the focus groups?; The Argyle Sweater by Scott Hilburn 1d19; The first species of bird dog rapidly went extinct.; Loose Parts by Dave Blazek 1d20; Stop hiding your stuff in my favorite drawer.; Kit 'N' Carlyle by Larry Wright 1d21; I hear you're quite an athlete.; Inherit the Mirth by Cuyler Black 1d22; Is this scented candle that smells like roast beef yours?; Marmaduke by Brad Anderson 1d23; Sure, I'm a student! But I could be a senior citizen... If that's cheaper!; Last Kiss by John Lustig 1d24; Yesterday is so thirty seconds ago.; Joe Vanilla by Mark Litzler 1d25; I thought 50 was the new 30...; Mac by Michael McParlane 1d26; Cripes... Well, there goes another perfectly good keyboard.; Rubes by Leigh Rubin 1d27; I'm not sure it's realistic to expect to find someone exactly like you.; Off the Mark by Mark Parisi 1d28; So we agree, then? The Little Dipper is now "The Grande Dipper," and the Big Dipper is now "The Tall Grande Dipper"...; Speed Bump by Dave Coverly 1d29; No, you can't add more minutes.; Break of Day by Nate Fakes 1d30; I've had it with his scepter.; Heathcliff by George Gately 1d31; He only had enough money for one, and for the life of him he couldn't remember the difference.; Brevity by Dan Thompson 2d1; A four-year, $60 million contract and he can't even do a decent end-zone dance!; Bliss by Harry Bliss 2d2; I'm wrapping it tightly to keep the ankle from swelling.; In the Bleachers by Steve Moore 2d3; The key to meditation is learning to stay.; Half Full by Maria Scrivan 2d4; My grandfather carved that thing to scare kids away from playing on his lawn, and now it controls the entire village.; Bizarro by Dan Piraro 2d5; You call yourself 'early man'? You're three hours late!; Herman by Jim Unger 2d6; Oh, Martin - take that silly thing off. You're scaring the children.; The Argyle Sweater by Scott Hilburn 2d7; They're not laughing at you. They're laughing with you.; Loose Parts by Dave Blazek 2d8; I wonder if it was true when she told me cats must have a state license to scratch furniture.; Kit 'N' Carlyle by Larry Wright 2d9; Whose bright idea was it to place the ark animals alphabetically?!; Inherit the Mirth by Cuyler Black 2d10; The three hour surcharge... that's for Marmaduke's help.; Marmaduke by Brad Anderson 2d11; It's not a fair fight. Online retailers know more about me than I do about their stuff.; Joe Vanilla by Mark Litzler 2d12; He may be a day late, but at least he doesn't slobber all over it...; Mac by Michael McParlane 2d13; All in all we had a lovely time in London, although I did have a bit of trouble remembering which side of the car to stick my head out of.; Rubes by Leigh Rubin 2d14; You make me want to meet a better person.; Bliss by Harry Bliss 2d15; I'm just placing orders for our next meal. Now, do you come with any sides or appetizers?; Break of Day by Nate Fakes 2d16; I like to find houses and flip them.; Speed Bump by Dave Coverly 2d17; I'm sorry, today is the day the teddy bears have their picnic.; Bizarro by Dan Piraro 2d18; Good grief, man! How does anyone swallow an electric toothbrush?; Herman by Jim Unger 2d19; I could climb down, but I'd rather you build an elevator.; Kit 'N' Carlyle by Larry Wright 2d20; Marmaduke catches the Frisbee better if I draw pepperoni slices on it.; Marmaduke by Brad Anderson 2d21; Great news! Turns out pits are even cheaper than cubicles!; Loose Parts by Dave Blazek 2d22; People want authenticity so that's what we'll devise.; Joe Vanilla by Mark Litzler 2d23; I'm convinced that I can beat City Hall...; Mac by Michael McParlane 2d24; Let us once again review yesterday's teachings on the importance of overcoming temptation.; Rubes by Leigh Rubin 2d25; In this piece, the price clearly does not reflect what the artist is trying to say.; Bliss by Harry Bliss 2d26; I said just a little off the top! I didn't want my wings clipped!; Break of Day by Nate Fakes 2d27; I'd like to update my Facebook status.; Bizarro by Dan Piraro 2d28; The food here is excellent, but just try separating it from the waiters.; Off the Mark by Mark Parisi 2d29; After last week's incident, I've decided we will no longer bow our heads to pray.; The Argyle Sweater by Scott Hilburn 3d1; I'm surprised, but I've become a big fan of babysitting.; Kit 'N' Carlyle by Larry Wright 3d2; You're right. Maybe the museum world has gotten a little too commercial these days.; Loose Parts by Dave Blazek 3d3; I replaced my imaginary friend with my Twitter followers.; Joe Vanilla by Mark Litzler 3d4; ...and talk to the neighbor... I caught his kid running through our yard again last night.; Mac by Michael McParlane 3d5; Oh, nothing much, just a postcard from my guardian angel. He's on vacation.; Rubes by Leigh Rubin 3d6; Naptime is over. Let's break for lunch.; Break of Day by Nate Fakes 3d7; Press one for English, two for Spanish or just hang on until we disconnect you.; Half Full by Maria Scrivan 3d8; This is stupid, we might as well just deal the cards facing up.; Brevity by Dan Thompson 3d9; Well, of course you got hacked again! "Open Sesame" is, like, the worst password ever.; Speed Bump by Dave Coverly 3d10; Oh, great... Why did his name have to be Rip?; Off the Mark by Mark Parisi 3d11; Bear with me. I'm just Googling 'meaning of life.'; Bliss by Harry Bliss 3d12; I bet you all the texting I've sent from here ends up in oblivion.; Compu-toon by Charles Boyce 3d13; But are you faster than my 4G network?; Moderately Confused by Jeff Stahler 3d14; If it's art, I love it. If it's a window, we're toast.; Loose Parts by Dave Blazek 3d15; Since we've taken a vow of silence maybe you'd like to look at my Instagram?; Half Full by Maria Scrivan 3d16; Oh my lord, they've turned into pillows!; Brevity by Dan Thompson 3d17; But they're sooo heavy. Can't I get the iPad version?; Birdbrains by Thom Bluemel 3d18; I thought it was a food chain thing at first, too, but it turns out they're an a cappella group.; Speed Bump by Dave Coverly 3d19; You'll be happy to see that I've finally managed to turn things around.; Cornered by Mike Baldwin 3d20; This is pure heresy! Everybody knows that the Earth revolves around us!; Rubes by Leigh Rubin 3d21; Teddy did you finish setting up your domino thing?; Brevity by Dan Thompson 3d22; I can't believe you're better at this than me!; Off the Mark by Mark Parisi 3d23; Oh, ha, ha, no-we didn't meet online. I bought a 3D printer.; Bliss by Harry Bliss 3d24; I know they're hot, but the oven mitt isn't allowed, Bob.; Speed Bump by Dave Coverly 3d25; Oh! I didn't hear you come in!; Strange Brew by John Deering 3d26; Please listen carefully as our menu options have changed.; Half Full by Maria Scrivan 3d27; Looky here, Clyde - it's a Samaritan... they're usually pretty good!; Birdbrains by Thom Bluemel 3d28; What? YOU try finding a phone booth these days.; Brevity by Dan Thompson 3d29; Marshal, when you said you were going to clean up this town, we thought you meant...; The Flying McCoys by Glenn and Gary McCoy 3d30; You realize there's probably an app for all this?!; Bliss by Harry Bliss 3d31; No, Rusty, this one! You're barking up the wrong tree.; Break of Day by Nate Fakes 4d1; I think I'm beginning to understand why Vincent doesn't have more friends.; Rubes by Leigh Rubin 4d2; Chuck found an ingenious way to make some extra cash on the weekends.; Close to Home by John McPherson 4d3; Your blood pressure is too low. I want you to sit out in the waiting room for another two hours.; The Flying McCoys by Glenn and Gary McCoy 4d4; Isn't it about time I got to decide what we have for dinner?; Dennis the Menace by Ketcham, Hamilton and Ferdinand 4d5; Frankly, some of us have questions about your real motives for locating this wormhole.; Strange Brew by John Deering 4d6; If you do something wrong, just look at them like this.; Half Full by Maria Scrivan 4d7; Sure, it's nice, son, but even humans can build a decent dam with concrete.; Birdbrains by Thom Bluemel 4d8; Investing in a bear market? What was I thinking?; Brevity by Dan Thompson 4d9; There. I just outsourced all my homework to a kid in another country.; Speed Bump by Dave Coverly 4d10; Well, she's finally out but now the cake is stale.; Off the Mark by Mark Parisi 4d11; Without his smartphone, I don't give him long to live.; Moderately Confused by Jeff Stahler 4d12; We may need to buy more bean dip.; Rubes by Leigh Rubin 4d13; Sometimes I think if it wasn't for Lucy here, I'd go mad.; The Flying McCoys by Glenn and Gary McCoy 4d14; I'll have to call you back later. I'm on a roll.; Strange Brew by John Deering 4d15; You might consider eliminating some of the roadkill from your diet.; Bliss by Harry Bliss 4d16; I think our relationship is moving way too fast.; Break of Day by Nate Fakes 4d17; Is this some sort of joke?; Bizarro by Dan Piraro 4d18; I think you'll agree that the diet pill has been a dismal failure.; Close to Home by John McPherson 4d19; I don't want to play tug-of-war with my slippers!; Marmaduke by Brad Anderson 4d20; I don't pay taxes on it because it's clothing.; Off the Mark by Mark Parisi 4d21; I look like I could use a cookie.; Dennis the Menace by Ketcham, Hamilton and Ferdinand 4d22; Oh, quit complaining. You only have to do it until the siren's fixed.; Speed Bump by Dave Coverly 4d23; Sigh. I can never find the droids I'm looking for.; Brevity by Dan Thompson 4d24; Why is it that every time we get into a car, it crashes?; Moderately Confused by Jeff Stahler 4d25; I'm not a doctor but I play one on Google.; Half Full by Maria Scrivan 4d26; No. There's no one who works here by that name. Let me connect you to our branch office.; The Flying McCoys by Glenn and Gary McCoy 4d27; Well, no wonder we haven't been able to leave. Someone left this stupid thing on!; Break of Day by Nate Fakes 4d28; Keep your best friend close but the squirrels closer.; Bliss by Harry Bliss 4d29; Well! The lazy susan was certainly a delightful addition!; Strange Brew by John Deering 4d30; This was definitely no amateur job. They only took the most expensive cuts.; Rubes by Leigh Rubin 5d1; I'm sorry, but once again that's not in the form of a question.; The Argyle Sweater by Scott Hilburn 5d2; Barry's friends and co-workers at the morgue give him the mother of all surprise parties.; Close to Home by John McPherson 5d3; He's never late for meals. Meals are late for him!; Marmaduke by Brad Anderson 5d4; Hey, I like a juicy fly as much as the next guy, Doug. I just worry about where they've been.; Birdbrains by Thom Bluemel 5d5; You really can be quite striking at times.; Brevity by Dan Thompson



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