My daughter got me a "World's Best Dad" mug. So we know she's sarcastic.*Bob Odenkirk
Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.*Jon Stewart
Human beings are the only creatures that allow their children to come back home.*Bill Cosby
Parents are not really interested in justice. They just want quiet.*Bill Cosby
My mother protected me from the world and my father threatened me with it.*Quentin Crisp
My father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.*Spike Milligan
I want my son to wear a helmet 24 hours a day.*Will Arnett
I have found that the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it.*Harry S. Truman
When I was a kid, I said to my father one afternoon, "Daddy, will you take me to the zoo?" He answered, "If the zoo wants you, let them come and get you."*Jerry Lewis
By the time a man realises that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong.*Charles Wadsworth
She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.*Groucho Marx
I don't have a kid, but I think that I would be a good father, especially if my baby liked to go out drinking.*Eugene Mirman
There should be a children's song: "If you're happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep."*Jim Gaffigan
I never got along with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, "My dad can beat up your dad." I'd say, "Yeah? When?"*Bill Hicks
Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.*Robert Orben
It is admirable for a man to take his son fishing, but there is a special place in heaven for the father who takes his daughter shopping.*John Sinor
The older I get, the smarter my father seems to get.*Tim Russert
A father is a man who expects his children to be as good as he meant to be.*Carol Coats
You don't have to deserve your mother's love. You have to deserve your father's. He's more particular.*Robert Frost
Having children is like living in a frat house - nobody sleeps, everything's broken, and there's a lot of throwing up.*Ray Romano
Dad taught me everything I know. Unfortunately, he didn't teach me everything he knows.*Al Unser Jr.
I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.*Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if... your dad's cell number has nothing to do with a telephone.*Jeff Foxworthy
Remember: What dad really wants is a nap. Really.*Dave Barry
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